I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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