you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
