Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
