I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
