JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize