Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
