Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
that may or may not have been my penis.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
