Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
