gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize