Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
