Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I need to sanitize my soul.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
