Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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