Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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