His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
