census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
