C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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