Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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