I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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