Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
