I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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