just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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