Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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