break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
