wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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