I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
