I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize