is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
