My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
