apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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