We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
