Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize