do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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