let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
