He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
