Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
