My friends, they love my intelligence
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
