No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
