I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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