Whod you bang
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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