There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
