I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
