Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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