Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
