A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
