apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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