So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize