If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
