So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
