i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
