A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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