There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
