Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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