Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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