You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
