it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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