It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
