I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize