My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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