I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Randomize
