It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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