hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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