she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
