I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
