I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
