The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
