And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When are your genitals available?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
