Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
