Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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