We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Panties = found
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
