just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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