i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
