You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
