I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
