I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
