explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
