i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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